So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
