first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
