how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
