i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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