Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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