Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
