I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
