allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
