Do you still have your period?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
