Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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