You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
