Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
