Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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