What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
whose parrot is this?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
