Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
