She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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