Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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