idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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