She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
