i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize