In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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