is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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