I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
