I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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