I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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