Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
