...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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