I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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