I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
