I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
