I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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