giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
