wrigley field is MILF paradise
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
