I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
