Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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