So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
