If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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