8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My vagina is very pro this idea
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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