Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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