my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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