my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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