im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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