if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
