i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
birth control should be required to get into college
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
