i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize