11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The air was thick with penises
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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