I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
