I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
