he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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