Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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