Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He felt like a one man threesome
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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