he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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