thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
