i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
