Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
