I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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