he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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