I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I smell like Dick and happiness
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
