Ketchup is God's man juice
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
