I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
