everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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