Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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