I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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