Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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