I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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