if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
