i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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