it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
