Dual....:-)
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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